Many people with negative emotional habits are the same as the people who impact your life in a bad way. You just have to mix and match these, but the effects are the same: the reinforcing of all of your worst emotional habits as well which, is a bad place to be in.
To avoid dealing with such people that drag you down – or at least to reduce the interaction with them to a minimum – you must learn to identify the 4 types of toxic people in your life and then decide to put distance between them and you. It needn’t be a complete and total exclusion of them from your life, you just need to allow yourself some distance so their negativity won’t affect you.
Many times this simple solution works wonders in destressing and decluttering your mind and life as a little distance can go a long way. Basically, they are still in your life. You still talk to them from time to time, but they’re not so close and so dear that they end up dragging you down. At the very least, you’re not so connected to them that you are stuck in this downward emotional spiral.
This being said, let’s now take a look at the 4 types of personalities that are most likely draging you down as we speak and keep you from achieving greatness in your life.
Toxic Personality Type #1: The Black Hole
This person has deep and profound emotional needs. They’re very needy people. You can’t tell by their appearance, though. Some look very successful. Some are very attractive. However, when they open their mouths to somebody they’re confident in, it’s all about them. It’s all about how they have lost out, what they need, how everything in life is against them, and so on.
It’s as if no matter what you do, or how much you support them it’s simply not enough. Even if you keep on giving and supporting it’s still not enough because that’s how needy they are. They are black holes. All they know and all they seem to be capable of is sucking in positive energy.
So, do yourself a favor and stay away from black holes. I’m not saying you should cut them out, but don’t get so near. Learn when to say no. After all, we all have one life to live and it’s not worth sacrificing it for people who don’t care about theirs to begin with.
Toxic Personality Type #2: The Judge
Do you have a friend or an acquaintance who’s constantly putting everybody and anything and any situation into neat, tidy, little boxes? This might not seem all that negative at first. However, this habit of theirs can be quite bad because life is not black and white.
When such people see you they might say “you’re a loser” or, on the contrary, they might go “oh, you’re a winner.” No matter what type of label these people put on you many times it’s easy to be influenced by their labeling.
For some people it’s tempting to think that they’re losers (or winners) when they come across this sort of judgment.
But what if I told you that both these labels are equally toxic? Why, you might ask…
Well, it’s because people are people. We change all the time. We have different dimensions. We have different aspects. There are so many sides to us and to reduce somebody to a one-word description really strips them of their complexity (ie. humanity).
If you say to a friend that she’s ugly or she’s stupid, you reduce that person’s being to just one attribute. Maybe they’re just behaving stupidly in that one moment of their life, but for the rest of their life they’re acting like complete and total geniuses. So, does it make sense then to dismiss them as idiots?
And the same applies to physical appearances or income mobility or the ability to increase one’s net worth.
Unfortunately, none of this nuance matters to the judge. This person derives a tremendous amount of comfort in making his or her world as black and white as possible. Everything is extreme. Either somebody is a loser or somebody is a winner. There’s no in-between. There’s no middle.
Stay away from these people, as well. Again, you don’t necessarily have to stop being friends with them, but achieve some sort of distance because, sooner or later, you start adopting that black-and-white mindset, and this is a very corrosive mindset to live your life by. The world really is not black, or white. And it’s not gray either. It has many colors, figuratively speaking. It’s so rich, so vibrant and so beautiful that you just can’t see it as black or white.
Toxic Personality Type #3: The Stylish Hoarder
The style hoarder is a person who looks at different people’s lives and tries to find trends or styles that they can collect. When you talk to this person, they’re not really interested in the real you. They couldn’t care less about your hopes, dreams, fears, aspirations, insecurities. None of that matters. Instead, they look at what you are doing. They’re obsessed with all sorts of trends. These can be technological trends, fashion trends or any other trends really. Regardless, it’s stuff that other people are doing.
They then use this as some sort of grid when they’re judging you, and they say, “Ah, this person, does he think this way? Does he share in that trend? Does she have this fashion sense that is kind of trendy?”
That’s their value to you. You basically vindicate their judgments regarding tends because they’re extracting a large sense of their self-worth and ego from that. They feel good about being able to spot these trends. They feel good about being part of the right crowd or people who think the right ideas.
However, these people are usually very shallow. They collect. They grasp. Conversely, the motivation is very shallow. It’s really all about making themselves feel good, feel substantial and feel worthy. Unfortunately, this is all at the surface level. They don’t really have the core conviction, or the substance of the trends that they are so obsessed about. And when you hang out with these people, you become superficial as well. You start slicing and dicing people based on where they are in terms of politics, cultural sensitivity, ideology, personal style.
Fortunately, human beings are greater than the sum of their parts. You can take one person and strip that person to different layers, but guess what! When you put all those layers together, they don’t add up to that person. Something’s missing.
Maybe we can call this the soul. Perhaps we can call this the essence of that person. Regardless, the truth is that you can’t just strip people based on these trends and reassemble them into a complete person. You missed the point. You missed the person.
That’s how the stylish hoarders think. That’s how they look at the world. They see it as layer after layer of stuff that they can reconfigure, recombine, and slice and dice, mix and match.
If you hang around these people long enough, you become like them. Unfortunately, that kind of thinking falls flat when it comes to reality because, ultimately, people are not like that. We’re worth more than the sum of our parts. We’re not just thin, superficial layers.
Toxic Personality Type #4: The Troll
Trolls are annoying and you probably know this already. However, the problem is that they’re not always obvious. In fact, one of the most common forms of trolling involves flattery.
There are people who think 180 degrees opposite of whatever view or opinion you’ve stated. They couldn’t disagree with you more, but you cannot tell based on their response. It seems like they’re supporting you. It might even come off like they are egging you on. However, what they’re really doing is trolling you because they don’t agree. Whatever opinion you shared doesn’t line up with what they actually think and believe.
So why are they doing it then?
For the laughs. They get a (sick I might add) sense of satisfaction in being complete and total liars. But the problem is that trolls eventually reprogram themselves, and that wouldn’t be bad had humans not been designed to influence each other mentally and unconsciously. But they have been designed like that, and this is one of the reasons why being around trolls is never recommended.
It’s not uncommon for a troll to get such a kick out of getting people to agree with things that they themselves hate because this makes them hate the person or ridicule the person in their minds. Eventually, they get so trapped in their decision that they no longer know what the truth is.
The whole point of their game is just to get a rise or a reaction from people. They’re not really invested in whether things are right or wrong, or whether things are proper or unjust and unfair. Instead, it’s just the emotional rush that they are getting.
“This person is agreeing with me, he’s a complete and total idiot and bigot. I gotcha!” This is how a troll thinks. And they might seem harmless, but who do you think pays the bigger price? The person who is honest with his, or her opinion – as unpopular or unpalatable as it may be, or the one who egged him on?
If you engage in this behavior, you are really trading in your soul, and by soul I’m not talking about some quasi-mystical component of your life. I’m talking about your integrity. You’re lying basically. The worst part to all of this is that the lie eventually seeps in and becomes you. It becomes part of you. You reach a point where you don’t even know which side is up.
That’s how confused trolls are. They become some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. It all boils down to feeding insecurities because they are very insecure at some level or another. That’s why they get a kick out of getting people to say stuff that they hate, or say stuff that they deep down inside want to say but can’t. Thanks to their behavior, encouragement and underhanded tactics, they get people to voice out stuff that they wish they could say or stuff that they hate.
And just like with the previous 3 types of people, hanging out with trolls brings out the worst in you, as well. Moreover, you end up being friends to somebody who doesn’t appreciate you for who you are. And if you’re not careful sooner or later you end up becoming like them.